Some things never change. And then, some things do.

after doing a lot of thinking, i've decided that the word temporary is my least favorite word in the whole English language. hands down. it's not like it sounds weird, or has some super ambiguous meaning that doesn't make sense, rather i just hate what that word implies. i don't like that things don't last. i just don't. i invest a lot, and when that time of my life is done and over, i find myself terrified. scared out of my mind, really. and especially relationally. 3 months after our big fight i'll still be thinking about every word, in some weird attempt to not let the past slip away, trying to keep memories alive and present. i don't trust very easily. anyone, really. but especially Jesus. and i think this speaks to that. i don't trust Him to provide. i don't trust that some things happen for a reason, and some things end for a reason. i am quite selfish, and often times i find myself thinking that i could handle the situation so much better. i get comfortable, and i would prefer to stay there. people leaving and changing and life moving along freaks me out. it scares me, tempts me to remain closed off and not reach out, because you never know if that person is going to stick around. i keep telling myself that sometimes certain people come into your life merely to teach you something, and when that lesson is good and taught, they quickly leave to teach someone else. but, how i dwell. and how exhausting this cycle is, vulnerability that always seems to take advantage of you when you least expect it. and so my struggle, it seems, is to accept this. to know that not all good things last, and to know that this too shall pass. and it means being open, allowing the Lord to take control as i wake up each morning. it's confusing really, this idea of letting go in order to stand constant. it's easy to look back and then watch things fall into place, yet it is an entirely different story when it means a decision today. but God is faithful. and He has always only ever been faithful. and, out of His mercy and grace and love, He will continue to always ever be for the rest of time.

so here's to taking chances. here's to knowing that involves risk, and change, and trust, and none of that comes easy. here's to hoping for a brighter tomorrow, but even if it's not, here's to holding on through the storm, listening and understanding and learning. here's to knowing that even the grass withers and the flowers will fade, and our lives will follow the same pattern. here's to learning lessons. tough ones too, but usually the most important. here's to wanting that scar, but understanding that we have to withstand the pain to get there. here's to knowing when to let go, and knowing when to hold on, trusting in His plans and not your own heart. here's to falling asleep crying and waking scared, but knowing that seasons come and seasons go, trusting that spring will alway follow a dark, cold winter. here's to living fully and loving fully, being true to who you are and enjoying that freedom. the shadow proves the sunshine, they say and here's to watching that play out in our own lives. here's to hope and joy and peace, and knowing that even if something won't last it's okay to feel. it's okay to give and love and cherish even if it may be for only a matter of time, for the heart has always proven to be the most resilient of all. here's to knowing that it's okay to believe something so wholeheartedly only to find out you were wrong all along, but being grateful for the journey. here's to knowing that His ways are so above our own. here's to laughing and crying and everything inbetween the two, as well as second chances, and sometimes saying goodbye.

and so here we stand, swallowed up in the reality of this confusion, refusing to let our head always rule over our heart. here's to everything being temporary, and the beauty of it all. ♥

"Forget about what's happened;
don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present.
I'm about to do something brand-new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is!
I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands." Isaiah 43:19